It's All in Your Head...

While teaching a group of successful Real Estate Agents last week, I asked a question that we don’t often ask ourselves:“What is your income potential?” The class looked perplexed, as if it was a trick question. They were searching for the “right” answer, the one they though I wanted to hear. I asked for brave volunteers, “Who will be the first to share?”

One Agent says “$300,000!” Another asks, "In what time frame?” An older gentleman in the front corner of the room, exuding confidence in his answer bellows: “Unlimited!”  The room fell silent, ushering me to continue as they were sure the man had nailed the instructor's trick question. 

It was not, in fact, a trick question. I was simply asking what their income potential was within their personal frame of reference.  As coaches we know that you cannot create what you cannot imagine.  Your brain simply will not allow it.

I turned to the gentleman and said “Yes. Within your frame of reference, is your income potential unlimited?”  He answered, “Sure, if I wanted to put in the effort and the time... but I am not like these younger agents," he added, "Now I want to slow down now and take it easy.” To this I replied, “Then your income is, in fact, limited by your time and effort, is it not?” He agreed.

We all have framework in our heads that may have served us at one time in our lives.  For instance, perhaps you had been employed in the past and no matter how hard you worked you didn’t make more money than your lazy boss. Due to the loyalty of the owner to said boss, you felt like you never were going to be able to advance him.  Feeling helpless in that environment, you make the conscious decision to not work too hard and instead reserve the energy until something better comes along.

Flash Forward. Ten years later you find yourself in a commission sales environment, finally in control of your income.  Simply put: the more you sell, the more you make. Despite this opportunity, the framework from your past continues to restrain your potential.  You try to work harder, but each time you find yourself exuding more effort than those around you, you hear a familiar voice in your head… “Why are you working so hard?  You aren’t going to get ahead. Just take it easy until something good happens.”

Perhaps your past framework included a lack of spending money.  Growing up in poverty, I can relate to this.  You lived your life clutching every dollar.  Saying things like, “I can’t allow money to go to waste because I don’t know when I will have it again.”  Or the even more common; “I better spend it right now, because who knows how long it will be until I get this much money again?" Then a true opportunity comes along, it could be education, a trip, or an amazing investment opportunity, but because your framework is “you will never have enough money," even if you believe it is the best decision, you won’t be able to make the commitment to spend the money because you are not willing to part from it, or you don’t have it because you wasted it on frivolous material possessions. 

The four most common frameworks that limit success of entrepreneurs and professional sales people are related to Education, Time, Money, and Effort.

You will hear it in your head or even come out of your mouth as;

Education: 

“I’m not smart enough.

"It's just too hard”

"I’m too old to learn that”

Time:

“I’m too busy”

"I would,but I already work a full time job”

“I wish I could but I have young kids”

Money: 

“I don’t have the money."

“I have holidays coming up."

"My spouse won’t let me spend the money”.

Effort: 

"I just don’t have the energy"

“It's too late."

"I’m too tired after I get off of work."

These beliefs will box you in leaving you feeling helpless, aimless, and unworthy.  Lets pretend we have a coaching client named Joe: 

Joe, a fulltime Policeman, has a brilliant business idea. He knows the world will love his new company and his product will sell. Joe has been dreaming about it for three years and now, he is ready to take action!

Joe starts off with the mental framework that in order to get something done you have to work hard.  No doubt hard work is a common factor of success, but Joe is already working full time, plus he has his wife and two kids to attend to on evenings and weekends.  Joe dives in despite this. Within the first month of starting and stopping, starting and stopping, he realizes he has barely moved the needle.  “I just don’t have the time” Joe says.

Determined, Joe decides to use technology to do the things that take the most time. "If I purchase this program,  I can sell my product online when I am at work, and when I make enough money selling online I will quit my job!”  Joe sets out and spends $1,100 on a software program he believes will do everything he needs to begin online product sales. 

Joe quickly realizes this program isn’t as stout as he had once felt.  He spends an additional $2,500 on more software and a professional webpage because, “You can’t be a respected company without a webpage," he tells his wife.  Another two months in and Joe still doesn’t have a functioning online sales platform. His website is built, his products are online, but no one is coming to his website. Joe is at a loss as far as how to create a draw.  “I need SEO and I am not smart enough to learn it, I’m a Policeman not an Internet genius!” he shouts.

Frustrated and upset Joe’s discouragement is beginning to show up at home.  He’s short with his wife and so embarrassed he won’t share with her his challenges.  Joe confides in his friend, Carl.  “I have the product ready, my website is up, and nobody is coming to the site, nobody!”  Carl offers him a suggestion, “I have a relative that does SEO professionally.  You should call her.”  Joe contacts Carl’s referral first thing Monday morning.  She is happy to help and send over a proposal. Joe receives the proposal late Wednesday afternoon.   “$10,000, plus $1,500 a month!  You have got to be kidding me! I don’t have that kind of money!” he shouts.

Joe’s parents didn’t have a lot of money growing up and his Father worked the same job for 25 years, retiring on his full pension.  His father taught him to work hard for a living and not to waste money.  Joe has always listened and this time is no different.

Joe decides he will save the money and learn to do the SEO himself.  “How hard could it be anyway?” he says. He signs up for an evening class at the community college; two nights a week for six weeks and he will have the education needed to get his sales rolling.  

After the second week, Joe is behind in his homework, he has missed two of his sons baseball practices and worst of all he feels like he is taking a foreign language class with a group of teens that have been speaking the language their entire life.  In defeat Joe states, “I give up, it’s just not worth it.”

Joe has boxed himself inside his past framework.One side of the box says, “I’m not smart enough”, the opposite “I don’t have the time”, adjoining them is “I don’t have the money, and “I give up, it’s too hard”.  Joe is feeling depressed, defeated, overwhelmed.  Worst of all he feels like he wasted his families hard earned money, and how could he face his dad?

Fortunately, Carl suggested to Joe to seek a professional Coach.   Joe didn’t think he needed a coach.  “Coaches are for athletes not for someone opening an online business”, he thought. Regardless, he knew he had nothing to lose.

After reviewing Joe’s situation, Coach reminded Joe that someone somewhere has had the same limitations and has overcome even more difficult obstacles, despite their personal circumstances.  Joe wasn’t actually suffering from not having the resources of Education, Money, or Time.  Joe simply wasn’t committed to the goal.  Even though Joe could see clearly why a customer would need his products, he didn’t see how reaching his goal would benefit himself, his family, and his self-esteem. 

When Joe refocused, he had gained clarity. He realized reaching his goal would eventually give him and his family more time and money.He now knew that in the process of achieving this goal, he was not burdened with the obligation to learn, but earning the opportunity through knowledge.  

Joe hurried home to share this newfound clarity. He recruited their support and commitment to the goal.  They happily agreed now that they too were envisioning the rewards to be reaped.  This was enough for Joe to reconstruct his framework and become wholeheartedly committed to success.

How can you reconstruct your framework? Our framework operates outside of our observation.  To overcome these dream-stealers, we must learn to identify, listen for, and reframe them.

Step 1.  Identify.   The last time you did not achieve a goal you set what was the chatter in the in your mind saying about it?    For example, falling through on going to the gym, starting a new hobby, or going for the career you always had desired. Ask yourself: “What prevented me from achieving my goal?”  Keep an open mind as you listen for the answers. Write them down.

Step 2. Listen.  Listen to how often you repeat the same framework to yourself either in your head or out loud. Pay attention to what the chatter is saying, and how it relates to past failures.

Step 3.  Reframe.  Every time we hear ourselves using one of the outdated frameworks we must pause and reframe the framework to allow us to breakdown the walls that have held us captive.  When you hear yourself say “I don’t have the time” Reframe it by saying “I only have time for the most important things in my life”.  Or if you say “I don’t have the money” say “Money follows intention, is my intention worthy of the money?”

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